Have I mentioned that The Real O’Neals is the worst show on television? If I haven’t, don’t worry. I’ll show it to you.
Tuesday night’s edition of the ABC sitcom, titled ‘The Real Spring Fever,’ started out as always: with gay teenager Kenny (Noah Galvin) lamenting that he has no gay love life. Nothing abnormal about this so far. At least as far as this show is concerned. However, things then took a turn for the super bizarre when Kenny’s sister Shannon (Bebe Wood) informs him of news regarding his mother’s love life:
Shannon: Well, mom’s internet dating.
Kenny: Shut up!
Jimmy: What?
Shannon: Yeah, I heard her talking to Aunt Jodi about it. Next we'll meet a series of guys, which will be awkward, but at least one of them will teach us how to ski. And dad will meet a career woman who thought she missed her chance to have babies, but marries dad by summer so she can squeeze a couple out before she gets the change.
Jimmy: What did she just -- what? What? N-- wait, no, dad still lives downstairs. Will we all live together when they're remarried? WHA-- are we becoming mormons?
Kenny: No, mom cannot get a boyfriend before I do.
Jimmy: Really? That's where you went with this?
Kenny; Listen, it's creepy and upsetting that our parents are moving on, but I'm 16 and I'm still way more interested in this.
No, what’s far creepier and upsetting than Kenny’s parents divorcing and moving on, is having their son feel challenged and threatened by his mom getting a boyfriend before him. Of all the mother-son drama that plays out on television, there’s no more nausea-inducing dynamic than that.