London authorities made the courageous move over the weekend to ban knives - not guns, knives - from being carried in public, after a rise in violent stabbings sufficiently freaked out the British populace into giving up what's left of their rights.
Now, the U.K.’s Office of the South Yorkshire Police and Crime Commissioner has decided to do one even better: tweet about it.
As part of their anti-knife public awareness campaign, the police department bravely announced on Twitter that there is "no safe place to stab someone” (in case you and your buddies were looking into it) along with a photo of some random guy allegedly named “Ben” who’s been proudly “knife-free” for nearly three years.
There is no ‘safe place’ to stab someone – any stab can be fatal – and the consequences will be just as severe. #knifefree pic.twitter.com/yAD6HlBGNC
— Office of SYPCC (@SYPCC) April 10, 2018
"No safe places." As if the ordinary British person was just wandering around the street hacking people right and left but figuring "Hey, it's totally O.K. because it was only, like, in the elbow."
Of course, the claim also leaves one wondering what “Ben” here uses to cut his steak.
Or tofu. Actually yeah, it’s probably tofu.
Hilariously, this wasn’t the department’s only social media faux pax of late. They've been tweeting more…lots more.
99% of young people aged 10–29 don’t carry a knife. #knifefree - https://t.co/OxOhtGw4i6 pic.twitter.com/KiusurLaRt
— Office of SYPCC (@SYPCC) April 8, 2018
Going knife free can be a brave and difficult choice – but your life will be better for it. pic.twitter.com/bbT9YNTMus
— Office of SYPCC (@SYPCC) April 6, 2018
It’s important to note, here, that no – this is NOT a parody account. This is a real, verified Twitter account for an actual police department in the United Kingdom.
Of course, the tweets quickly fell victim to what’s known in the Twitterverse as “the ratio,” in which a tweet quickly racks up more replies than it does “likes” and “retweets.” And that usually isn’t a good sign when it comes to public opinion.
This was no exception.
We need a ban on all full-auto cutlery. Nobody needs to have this type of capability. pic.twitter.com/2RQlJCm9fu
— RJGeezer (@RJGeezer) April 11, 2018
Oooooh, no wonder. Thanks for clearing that up, I'm sure the stabbing will stop now that people know it's dangerous
— Squawkie The Eagle (@SquawkieEagle) April 10, 2018
There's no safe time to garrote a person with your belt. #beltfree since 13-13-13
— D A Murphy (@wolfseyn) April 11, 2018
The mighty spork is a far more dangerous threat. #banthespork pic.twitter.com/6vcS10BTXd
— BasketCase (@basketcase1969) April 11, 2018
Can you truly feel safe in the streets without knowing if someone is carrying an assault penknife? You need to push for a common sense dress code. pic.twitter.com/tzYTp1p4m0
— lRomingl (@Roming16) April 11, 2018
— Anon amous (@Mister_dude_sir) April 11, 2018
— WSU since birth (@JohnGalt20161) April 11, 2018
Apparently, urging grown adults to go "knife-free" for public safety is just a little too insultingly third-grade-lunchroom-line.
Then again, this is the same country that's arresting people for mean Facebook posts and jailing them for offensive YouTube videos of pugs, so color me shocked.