A self-described "sexuality expert" told ABC News that parents should begin asking their infants' permission before changing their diapers. And yes, this is real - I couldn't make this crap up if I tried.
Pun intended.
Deanne Carson, who markets herself as a "sexual consent expert" who says she works with children as young as infants, made the outlandish claim on an Australian ABC News outlet this week.
From the Daily Mirror, who seemed just as perplexed:
A sexuality expert has said parents should ask babies for their permission before changing their nappies in order to set up a culture of consent from birth.
…The reporter seems confused and asks "from birth?""Yes, just about how to set up a culture of consent in their homes so 'I'm going to change your nappy now, is that OK,' Deanne responded.
"Of course a baby is not going to respond 'yes mum that's awesome, I'd love to have my nappy changed'.
"But if you leave a space, and wait for body language and wait to make eye contact then you're letting that child know that their response matters."
Just a quick, perhaps far-too-obvious question: how, exactly is a "response" to be given, here? Because the last time I checked, four-month-old infants can’t, well, speak. Or blink in code. Or wiggle around like, "Yes, Mom, I knowingly consent to have you wipe my bare backside with that Wet One."
So in the absence of controlled vocal ability, I’m pretty sure the giant load of odorous greenish-brown goo oozing down a child’s leg rolls count as a pretty standard thumbs-up.
Because if you’ve ever heard the noise they make when you don’t change out their nappies, let me clue you in – that sure doesn’t sound like “consent” to me.