New York Times: Roger Federer Lost the U.S. Open Because of Global Warming

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Tennis legend Roger Federer just lost the U.S. Open to an underdog from Australia thanks to – egads! – global warming.

At least, that’s according to The New York Times.

“Roger Federer, one of the world’s greatest tennis players, may have become an unwitting spokesman for the effects of climate change on Monday at the U.S. Open,” the Times claimed in an article published Tuesday.

“Federer, who is ranked No. 2, seemed to struggle all night in the heat and humidity at Arthur Ashe Stadium, losing in a fourth-round upset to John Millman, an Australian ranked 55th,” the paper bemoaned.

And this upset, they claim, can only be due to “increasing nighttime temperatures,” explaining:

"Short-term weather conditions are not the same as long-term changes to the climate, and a few hot days do not prove a trend. But the unusual heat and humidity that appeared to strain Federer are in keeping with the changes that atmospheric scientists are seeing under human-caused global warming."

Of course, it never occurred to the New York Times that a) maybe Federer just had a bad night, as athletes are sometimes wont to do and b) his loss meant another man’s win, proving that it is possible, in fact, to play tennis well in the heat.

The paper attempted to justify their ridiculous claim that output from coal plants and diesel engines managed to take down one of the greatest tennis players of all time by diving into the specifics of sweat and how the body cools itself. As for Millman’s win, the Times ripped a page from a certain former president’s “You-Didn’t-Build-That” speech by claiming the Australian player “might have had an advantage because ‘he maybe comes from one of the most humid places on earth.’ Millman is from Brisbane, Australia, which is cooler but steamier than Federer’s off-season training base in Dubai.”

So there you have it, folks. One of our generation’s best athletes was stymied by some humidity, which is the only reasonable way an Australian dude could have possibly beaten him. We should probably all stop driving cars now.

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