We begin this “wish it were satire” story with that oft-spouted, leftist “rebuttal” to liberty-minded people who oppose taxation:
“But, who’ll build the roads?”
To which one might ask, “Do you mean, who, other than the coercive, tax-taking, inefficient, glad-handling, parasitic, bureaucratic, dangerous, and nearly-impossible-to-sue government? The gang that doesn’t have to please customers because it claims a monopoly on the use of force and makes them pay? A government like, oh… Seattle, Washington?”
Sure thing.
Seattle serves as a perfect example, as now, the very politicians who’ve TAKEN people’s money for their screwed-up roads have just ordained that 20 miles of the roads will be permanently CLOSED – all for the “good” of the people for whom they supposedly built and maintained the roads in the first place.
As Joelle Goldstein blithely notes for People:
At least 20 miles of streets in Seattle will be permanently closed to cars as the city puts an emphasis on healthy living amid the coronavirus pandemic, the mayor announced on Thursday.
You read that right.
In the midst of a super-hyped viral outbreak that’s seeing fear-mongering Seattle Mayor Jenny Durkan (D) consider commanding residents to wear masks outside, she is also announcing a move that will force folks out of their cars and into the people-peppered streets. And this is all to promote “healthy living.”
Because nothing says “healthy living” more than forcing people to navigate past other potentially infected pedestrians who are trying to move past you.
Mayor Jenny A. Durkan confirmed that the designated Stay Healthy streets, which were introduced in April, would remain closed in an effort to provide residents with a safe way to travel to grocery stores, small businesses and other essential services.
Ahh, yes! “Provide!”
The Newspeak is strong in Seattle.
Let’s figure this out. If a thug broke-up your driveway with a sledge hammer that he forced you to buy, would he be “providing” you an opportunity to park on your lawn?
According to Mayor Durkan, it might be darned similar. In fact, she added:
Stay Healthy Streets are an important tool for families in our neighborhoods to get outside, get some exercise and enjoy the nice weather... Over the long term, these streets will become treasured assets in our neighborhoods.
Ah-huh.
Because, of course, Seattle gets an average of 38 inches of rain over 156 rainy days per year, and temps hover between 40 and 70 degrees. It has cloudy days an average of 201 days, and, all told, only averages about 71 fully sunny days a year – so, yeah, get out there, infirm and old Seattle residents! It’s gorgeous and great for your health, Mayor Durkan says so!
Meanwhile, this politician who’s so eager to get people outside also just mandated that Seattle parks close three-and-a-half hours earlier each evening.
The mayor also revealed in the press release that beginning on May 8, she would be closing all regional parks by 8 p.m. instead of 11:30 p.m. to ‘ensure residents do not gather and create a public health risk’ at outdoor events such as BBQs and bonfires.
Get out there and enjoy the nice wea—
Whoops. Scratch that.
Few things say “Police State” better than the closure of roads and curfews in parks… Except armies of tax-funded spies aiding those police in the friendly, constructive endeavor of hunting down the unruly. Indeed, Vichy France leader – er, Seattle Mayor – Durkan also announced:
To enforce the rules, more than 60 Social Distancing Ambassadors along with the Seattle Police Department will be patrolling the parks, which include Alki Beach, Cal Anderson, Discovery Park, Golden Gardens, Green Lake, Washington Park Arboretum, West Seattle Stadium and Woodland Park.
As Otto once said in “Repo Man”, “This is swell.”
‘Just like we must each adapt to a new normal going forward, so, too, must our city and the ways in which we get around,’ Seattle Department of Transportation Director Sam Zimbabwe said in a statement. ‘Despite the many challenges we face, 2020 will remain a year of thoughtful, forward progress as we build a safer, more livable Seattle for all.’
Yep. Because nothing says “healthy living” better than making old and infirm people walk or “bike” to the supermarket, and do the same while lugging their goods home.
Perhaps those folks can hire “pack mule” carriers to lug their goods (whatever they can get in this lockdown economy) down the street.
Ahh, but that would force even more people onto the streets, possibly breaking the “social distancing” rules. And are package-luggers to be considered “essential” workers by the great overlords of Seattle? Heck, I’ve been told by a friend from Oregon that when Portland closed off streets last week, traffic flow changed in such a way as to make highway travel harder, slower, and less efficient.
Tricky stuff to manage, this authoritarianism. Progressives always proclaim “forward progress” even as they steamroll individual rights in their move to the utopian future.