U.K. May Soon Force-Feed Cows 'Methane Supressants'

Brittany M. Hughes | April 3, 2023
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It was the best of times, it was the stupidest of times. And unfortunately for humanity, it just keeps on getting dumber.

Cows in the U.K. may soon be force-fed “methane suppressants” to keep them from farting, a natural process that climate alarmists claim is causing the planet to heat up faster and will surely kill us all. (It hasn’t yet - how many global warming apocalypses have we survived now? - but surely our doomsday will come.)

The artificial fart-stoppers, which can be made from chemicals or natural ingredients like seaweed and garlic (because that's what you want - to feed farting bovines garlic), are expected to hit the U.K. market in 2025. When they do, the British government says they could be a “really positive step” in reducing cow flatulence and “silent burping” that’s roasting the rest of us like pigs at a luau, all as part of the nation's "net zero" emissions plan that hopes to get society's carbon output down to zero by going all-electric and plugging up its cattle.

What what about the fact that farmers are already struggling thanks to the rising cost of equipment and feed? Have no fear - the government is here! Any additional costs from having to force-feed Bessy some seaweed to keep her bubbleguts under control could be offset by government incentives for farmers who successfully cut down on their herd’s farting.

Related: The New Gas Tax: New Zealand Will Soon Tax Cow Burps, Farts, and Poop

If you feel bad for U.K. farmers and their forced battle against cow toots, spare a moment for the poor ranchers out in New Zealand, who will soon be taxed per head for the cow farts their herd is naturally producing, even as they try to keep their country stocked with beef and milk.

Perhaps if we could keep all the progressive politicians from expelling so much hot air by bloviating ad nauseam about the Great Climate Boogeyman, we could let the cows break wind without a care. And yet, unlike cow farts, it seems these days that sanity is in short supply.