UK Leftists Assault by Throwing Milkshakes! Police Answer? Milkshake Ban

P. Gardner Goldsmith | May 22, 2019
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(Update 5/23/18: An earlier version of this story incorrectly identified Tommy Robinson as a Ukip candidate, Robinson is currently running as an independent.)

The absurdity of contemporary British politics and law just got crazier. First they ban guns, then knives of a certain length and now authorities are concerned about milkshakes. Time for "Milkshake Control."

“Milkshake Control”… because everyone knows that the British Fast Food Founding Fathers never imagined a future where average citizens could get their hands on dangerous, high-capacity shakes. Thomas McJefferson, Benjamin McFranklin, George McMason and the Dairy Queen would be stunned to think that anyone but the government would wield the high-calorie shake-power that many civilians seem to think they can handle without a government permit. 

All over the UK, reports have popped up in the past week of leftists hurling cold milkshakes at prominent conservatives.

On Friday, May 3, The Guardian reported that conservative activist and former Ukip (United Kingdom Independence Party) worker- now independent candidate for the EU Parliament Tommy Robinson (real name Stephen Yaxley-Lennon) was hit for the second time by a milkshake-Molotov.

On May 10, popular YouTube commentator Sargon of Akkad, also known as Carl Benjamin, who is a Ukip candidate for the European Union Parliament from a different section of England, was attacked in Cornwall by leftists using the same kind of weapon.

And on May 17, police in Edinburgh told local McDonald’s staff to stop selling milkshakes, because Brexit Party leader and MEP (Member of the European Parliament) Nigel Farage was scheduled to appear nearby.

All of which begs the important question, “Why all this lactose intolerance?”

It’s amazing to see that England has stooped to this level of silly, in numerous ways. First, there’s the police response, which is typical of the collectivist mindset when it comes to people committing crimes with certain objects, devices, or inventions. People commit crimes with firearms? Overlook the fact that the vast majority of people use them for defensive purposes, and instead, pass statutes pretending to “ban” the guns. Sure, it does nothing to stop gun crime, and, since the demand is still there, people simply get guns on the black market, but it’s a campaign line.

And if you see leftist thugs assault others with milkshakes? Don’t focus on the assault, focus on…

The milkshake. Yep, be sure authorities are in place to tell fast food restaurants not to sell them.

The police action is so incredibly typical, it almost seems unreal, but it’s real, and educational. Don’t go after the assault, go after milkshakes, because, clearly, by banning shakes, no one will assault another person with anything.

Insane? You be the judge.

Likewise, judge this. While the police pushed the fantasy that stopping the sale of McDonald’s shakes would, somehow, stop the pernicious attackers from throwing anything at all, Burger King Tweeted what seemed to be a not-so-subtle encouragement of the milkshake assaults, inviting people to buy their armament at BK instead.

“Dear People of Scotland,” it said. “We’re selling milkshakes all weekend. Have fun. Love BK #JustSaying”

And stomach-churning, time-sucking Guardian writer Stuart Jeffries appeared to agree, as he opined, “Ricidule Is Effective Protest. Just Look at Milkshaken Tommy Robinson”.

Which assumes that Robinson is “shaken” by being assaulted in this way. In fact, for a man who was imprisoned by the UK authorities and held for months last year in solitary confinement where, as his lawyer stated, he got little food, lost forty pounds, and was the target of radial Muslim prisoners throwing feces into his sole window, he can likely disregard a shake if it’s really a shake.

And it also promotes the idea that assault is analogous to “protest”.

For Jeffries, a man who works – albeit not so well – with words, he ought to know the difference.

This is a problem not only with Jeffries, but also many on the volatile left, as US citizens witnessed with the first instances of leftist “Anti-Fascist” violence in 2017 when Black-Bloc, a branch of Antifa (an organization that, as I previously reported, was created by Stalin’s Communist Party to infiltrate German socialists) used sticks and pepper spray to attack people trying to attend a lecture by Milo Yiannopoulos.

But perhaps it’s only fitting that in the England of 2019, where freedom of speech is under such frenzied attack that Count Dankula was arrested for making a spoof video of his dog doing a Nazi salute, police seem to think they can go after assault by going after milkshakes. Perhaps it’s only appropriate that in the land where “On Liberty” author John Stuart Mill once defended all forms of speech, newspaper columnists for The Guardian can push the mindless, infantile swill that physical assault is simply a form of protest.

And Burger King seems to think its PR team is sly by winking in that direction.

Raise a toast, Americans. Have a shake, and try to remind yourselves…

“It couldn’t happen here.”