Ladies and gentlemen, I am so pleased to announce the complete and total end of gun violence in America – it’s over!
Twitter – yes, the social media platform that has destroyed whatever was left of rational public discourse and relegated in-depth intellectual discussions to 280-character insults – announced Monday they’ve officially nixed their revolver emoji in the name of combatting gun violence.
The website replaced their old cartoon revolver image with that of a green water gun that looks “less threatening,” according to the New York Post.
We’re saved!
Twitter is hardly the first platform to remove its cartoon firearm from among its collection of teeny textable smiley faces and rainbows for fear they may inspire online violence. Apple, among others, did the same thing then they replaced their gun emoji with a water gun last year.
They still have a knife, bomb and two sword emojis, but whatever.
Of course, not everyone was pleased with the change. Several users, who are clearly committed to the perpetuation of cartoon violence and are therefore probably terrorists, insensitively mocked the platform for simply trying to keep America safe.
I don't know about anyone else but, I sure feel more safe since @twitter only allows a water gun emoji 😂😂😂🔫🔫🔫😂😂😂
— #ReleaseTheIGReport (@AnnKelly007) April 17, 2018
I’m just glad Twitter is keeping the important things in mind. I can rest easy now that a picture of an inanimate object is replaced by another picture of an inanimate object.
— Joseph 🐻 (@Freedomornot92) April 17, 2018
Finally, I bet there’ll be no more gun violence now.
— Sebastian (@Zejho) April 17, 2018
People in London will sleep better at night knowing that Twitter is a gun free zone. 🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪
— Harold J. Johanson (@HaroldJJohanson) April 17, 2018
It’s insensitive to London to keep the knife emoji now.
— Jerome Morrow (@JeromeEugeneMo) April 17, 2018
But pay no mind to the naysayers, and rest assured, America. You’re no longer in danger of being harmed by animated firearms.