Shameful Mistake on the Lake: Cleveland Indians Become ‘Guardians’

Matt Philbin | July 23, 2021
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MLB’s cowardice isn’t just confined to All Star Game-moving Rob Manfred and the eunuchs at League HQ. At the individual franchise level, it’s come to its full flowering in Cleveland. First, the Indians dropped their Chief Wahoo cartoon character logo in 2018. Now, they’ve officially changed their name. To the Cleveland Guardians.

Yep. They give the moniker of 106 years the heave-ho and that’s the best they could do. 

The team announced the new name on Friday with a Twitter video narrated by Tom Hanks, the Official Soothing Voice of National Decline. It puts the requisite lipstick on the pig of surrender (“We are loyal, proud and resilient …” unless we’re in the sites of the identity grievance industry. Then screw the fans, we’re running like French infantry at the fist sound of the panzers.)

According to ESPN, “Team owner Paul Dolan said last summer's social unrest, touched off by the killing of George Floyd in Minneapolis, spurred his intention to change the club's name.” Indians? What Indians? Nobody here but us chickens!

"'Guardians' reflects those attributes that define us while drawing on the iconic Guardians of Traffic just outside the ballpark on the Hope Memorial Bridge.”

Really, the Guardians of Traffic? There’s a nickname you’d hope your infield never earns. They named the team after some art-deco baubles on a bridge. There’s probably a church or old office building in the city that features gargoyles. Why not that? It would at least have the correct number of syllables for the “Let’s Go …” chant.

The name, Dolan said, “brings to life the pride Clevelanders take in our city and the way we fight together for all who choose to be part of the Cleveland baseball family. While 'Indians' will always be a part of our history, our new name will help unify our fans and city as we are all Cleveland Guardians."

Inspiring stuff.

Eventually, the frenzy of identity politics will subside. Grievance hucksters of all races, genders, ethnicities, food preferences, Sleep-Numbers and shoe sizes will sink back into obscurity and America will get on with life. But Cleveland will be stuck with the Guardians. And the Browns. But that’s a different story.

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