Quidditch Leagues to Change Name Because JK Rowling Isn't Woke Enough

Matt Philbin | December 20, 2021
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You’re an adult playing a game adapted from a children’s fantasy book about witches and magic. But you don’t want to be associated with the woman who invented the game in her children’s fantasy book about witches and magic because she’s not willing to indulge in your magic fantasies about human biology.

This really is the Gold Age of Stupid.

According to an article on CNN.com, there are enough lonely, directionless people in the U.S. to form two Quidditch leagues. Yes, Quidditch from J.K. Rowling’s “Harry Potter” series. The one where they fly around on brooms in scenes that stretch 10 - 12 hours in the movies.

And while it’s nice that people who would otherwise be shut-ins are getting fresh air and exercise, there’s trouble in Hogwarts. US Quidditch (USQ) and Major League Quidditch (MLQ) are going to change their names, “due to trademark issues and concerns over the ‘anti-trans positions’ of the series' author, J.K. Rowling,” according to CNN.

The name "quidditch" is trademarked by Warner Bros., and the leagues believe this has limited the expansion of the sport, citing sponsorship and broadcast opportunities in particular. Warner Bros,, like CNN, is part of WarnerMedia.

It’s a game where people run around with brooms between their legs and throw volleyballs at goals. But sure, it's the trademark thing that keeps you from competing with the NFL.

More importantly, the move is about cancelling Rowling, "who has increasingly come under scrutiny for her anti-trans positions in recent years," according to a statement from the leagues. Rowling’s heresy is believing the women are women and men who say they’re women aren’t. The otherwise exquisitely liberal author is concerned that the trans fad and it’s demands that the owners of wedding tackle be called women will eventually erase actual women (“people who menstruate,” as woke phrasing would have it). 

Related: 'I Haven't Stopped Speaking Out': JK Rowling Fires Back At Trans Activist Harassers

In fairness, though, the quidditch players walk the walk (albeit really funny, with brooms between their legs.)

The leagues say real-life quidditch is one of the world's most progressive sports in terms of gender equality and inclusivity, thanks to policies such as the gender-maximum rule, which means each team can only have four players out of seven who identify as the same gender playing at the same time.

Wow! That sounds fun. Those trademark issues definitely are all that stands between us and Monday Night Quidditch, er, BroomBall …

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