Planned Parenthood Teams Up With Satanists to Advance Abortion


If it’s not already abundantly clear that burning a child alive and dismembering it with blades is a vile, horrific, flat-out satanic practice, behold this: Planned Parenthood has joined forces with actual Satanists to advance abortion rights in Missouri.

The truth couldn't be more obvious if Lucifer himself popped out of a manhole cover with an "I Heart Dead Babies" sticker stamped on his rear and started selling infant parts at a discount on eBay.

Planned Parenthood threw a social media dance party this week after a federal court struck down two Missouri laws restricting a woman’s ability to kill her own child. One regulation required abortion clinics to provide literature to a patient seeking an abortion, explaining fetal development. Another law imposed a mandatory 72-hour waiting period for an abortion to ensure the woman wasn't being pushed into doing something she didn't actually want to do.

Now, given Planned Parenthood’s history of depicting living children as nothing more than “dots” in a cartoon uterus, and considering the shocking number of post-abortive women who say they felt coerced into terminating their pregnancy, these seem like fairly reasonable requirements. But a federal court disagreed – a move that pro-abortion outlet Slate claims is partially due to the efforts of Satanists.

Missouri’s recent stroke of good fortune in the reproductive rights realm may have to do with intervention from the fiery underworld. On Monday, the Satanic Temple argued in a Missouri court that the state’s abortion restrictions violate worshippers’ rights to free religious practice. The organization is challenging two Missouri laws: one that requires patients to look at unscientific anti-abortion propaganda and another that forces them to wait 72 hours between their initial consultations and a second appointments for their abortions. Satanic Temple members argue that their religion prizes rational, independent thought and that forcing Satanists to read anti-abortion pamphlets and “consider a religious proposition with which they do not agree” during the 72-hour waiting period constitutes a violation of their beliefs.

In case you didn’t read that right, I’ll translate: A group of Satanists actually argued in a United States court of law that it’s their religious right to systematically butcher infants. And that flew.

Then again, I could have told you that enabling a woman to voluntarily kill her own baby after being lied to by a profiteering murder mill had everything to do with Satan, and I didn’t need to read a court briefing to figure that out.

But now, thanks to the combined legal efforts of the abortion industry and the Satan Squad, three established Planned Parenthood clinics, along with Lord knows how many independent abortion facilities, can now freely lie to women and dismember unborn infants in utero throughout the state of Missouri to their black hearts’ content. Joy.

Authors note, for those about to throw a hissy fit: Yes, I am very aware that Satanists argue their "religious" tenants do not include a literal belief in the Biblical figure of Satan, but rather an extreme hedonistic obsession with oneself, which, frankly, are largely one and the same. I'm also very aware that this argument is largely negated by their own self-label of "Satanists," as I am also aware that the moniker of "Satanist" is far more accurate than they, in their extreme spiritual ignorance, actually realize.


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