The esteemed journalists over at the New York Times are absolutely beside themselves over the Trump administration’s alleged bungling of this year’s Easter Egg Roll. Because, of course.
The NYT, whose slogan was recently changed to “The truth is more important now than ever,” penned and published a 1,338-word exposé on the White House’s mismanagement of an annual scavenger hunt for brightly painted wooden balls, entitled “The Latest Test For the White House? Pulling Off Its Easter Egg Roll.”
The piece criticizes everything from the lateness with which the administration ordered its commemorative eggs to the number of eggs they ended up ordering (it was no where near what the Obamas ordered, for shame!) and the amount of tickets they have yet to send to local school children. And wait, there's more!
Writer Julie Hirschfeld Davis actually lamented that no one yet knows whether Press Secretary Sean Spicer will once again be dressing up as the Easter Bunny.
It is unclear, for instance, whether Sean Spicer, the White House press secretary, will reprise his appearance in a bunny suit for the event, as he did a decade ago when George W. Bush was president and Mr. Spicer was an aide in the Office of the United States Trade Representative.
There was also a lot of hand-wringing over the fact that the administration ordered only 40,000 eggs this year.
The White House has ordered 40,000 of the commemorative eggs — about half of the roughly 85,000 ordered in 2016…
The newspaper is also terribly distraught that the Trump administration forgot to notify a cartoon monkey and a felt-covered puppet about the affair beforehand…
Even Curious George and Elmo did not know for sure that the Easter Egg Roll was happening until late last month, when the White House first contacted PBS Kids to ask if it could provide costumed characters.
…as are a bevy of gay military members, who said they always got tickets under President Obama.
“I’ve had quite a few families from across the country reach out and say: ‘Hey, are we getting tickets? Our family wants to drive in for the event,’” said Ashley Broadway-Mack, the president of the American Military Partner Association, which represents the families of gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender service members and has received tickets for five to 10 of them for each of the last several years. “Unfortunately, the Trump administration has not reached out about it.”
The NYT is also upset that the famous Obama-era Easter Egg yoga instructors haven’t been looped in. (Wait, that was a thing?!)
Nor have the organizers of the Yoga Garden featured on the South Lawn during Obama-era Easter Egg Rolls been asked to share their asanas.
“No one has reached out to me about the 2017 event,” said Leah Cullis, the yogi who coordinated the Yoga Garden for all eight of the Obamas’ Easter Egg Rolls.
Sadly, this whole debacle could mean a paltry 20,000 people will attend this year’s Easter Egg roll, the Times bemoans. Attendees could be subjected to such horrors as having to listen to a military band instead of a half-clad pop star gyrating about in a spangly unitard.
There may be half as many guests, a fraction of the number of volunteers to manage the invasion of the South Lawn, and military bands in place of A-list entertainers like Justin Bieber, Ariana Grande, Idina Menzel and Silentó who have performed for Egg Rolls past.
Because God forbid children have to hunt for Easter Eggs without first pausing to whip/nae nae.
Sighing in faux dejection, the NYT summed up this clear catastrophe as yet another “window into the inner workings of the Trump administration,” caused by an “offsite First Lady,” an absentee president, the administration's “slow hiring” practices and Trump's general bumbling ineptitude.
In other news, the New York Times' net profit dropped 60 percent last year. But that's none of my business.