New York Democrats Want to Mandate Tide Change Their Pods to Look Less Appetizing

Brittany M. Hughes | February 7, 2018
DONATE
Font Size

The benevolent dictators in New York are attempting to mandate that Tide change the look of its laundry pods to look less appetizing so less children and young adults will be tempted to eat them.

Let’s say that once more: they’re trying to pass a law to keep idiot teenagers from voluntarily eating detergent.

This is not a drill. This is 2018 America. From USA Today:

New York lawmakers want to require companies behind detergent packets like Tide Pods to individually wrap each packet and change the colorful designs so they appeal less to children.

The bill comes amid growing concerns that children and teenagers are eating the packets, sometimes posting the videos online in what's called the Tide Pod Challenge.

The proposed law would require companies like Proctor and Gamble to not only put hazard labels on their laundry pod containers (which they already do) but also on each individual pod -- you know, just in case the first “Do Not Eat, You Will Die” warning doesn’t take. It would also mandate that the company change its current multi-colored pod look to something less attractive, and add individual packaging to each separate pod.

It’s not yet clear how much these changes would cost the company, but I’m guessing a hefty bit (not to mention all the added plastic that would eventually get dumped into the environment, likely prompting yet another law).

According to the American Association of Poison Control Centers (AAPCC), U.S. poison control centers received 86 calls about individual morons between the ages of 13 and 19 who ate Tide Pods -- in the first three weeks of 2018 alone.

Now, because a few of the less bright bulbs in our collective chandelier dared each other to chow down on laundry soap, actual lawmakers are mandating that a company change its entire product to keep kids from willingly poisoning themselves.

Assemblywoman Aravella Simotas, a Democrat, explained, "We want to make sure these poisonings are prevented. It’s easy. All we have to make sure is that public safety trumps their profits.”

Because that’s what will keep moronic juveniles from killing themselves by scarfing down detergent: another law. Why not just make it illegal to eat Tide pods? It’d work just as well.

donate