Massachusetts Town Tells the Medically Mask-Exempt: Wear A Plastic FACE SHIELD, OR ELSE!

P. Gardner Goldsmith | August 30, 2020
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If you thought the post-postmodern plastic fashions of rock band DEVO were just your thing, but you never found a locale that welcomed them, you’re in luck! A city in Massachusetts is now telling residents who are currently face-diaper-free due to medical “exemptions” that, soon, they’re not going to be able to go mask-free any more.

They will soon be required to wear face shields.’s Arianna McNeill explains:

Starting on Sept. 10, the town will change its existing requirement on face coverings to add in the new measure, according to a news release. There wasn’t an alternative to those medically exempt in the past.

Thank goodness for strokes of luck! Now these formerly free people have an “alternative” that will be forced on them by the government!

It’s so… pleasant, workable, healthy… and moral!

And the Brookline Brownshirts were nice enough to explain their new mandate – sorry, I mean “mandatory offering” – in a press release produced for them by the John Guilfoil PR firm, so that makes it even more wonderful.

The town has required face coverings since March, the release says. The state still requires face coverings in establishments, along with face coverings, gloves and eye protection for workers, plus Plexiglas in customer service areas.

And the great thing is that, now, folks in Brookline will not only be magically saved from the virus that is no more deadly than the seasonal flu, they’ll be ready to play troopers from “Conquest of The Planet of The Apes.”

Praise bureaucracy, we’re saved – AND stylish!

And as insane as this sounds, it actually makes a certain kind of perverse sense within Absurd World.

First, this is, of course, Massachusetts, infamous planet-wide as being one of the most toxically leftist states in the US.

Next, this is a town considered a suburb of Boston, which, despite once being home to some of the best local music scenes in the nation, has been known as one of the most laughably leftist cities on the east coast. We’re talking Berkeley by way of baked beans and Red Sox caps.

And, finally, this is Brookline, which, aside from Cambridge, is considered even more pompously “progressive” than Boston proper.

So it does make a certain kind of twisted sense that the city gurus should command facemasks should folks make the grievous error of walking a few yards south from Commonwealth Avenue and stray onto deadly, virus-filled Beacon Street.

Heck, the town’s own Ministry of Truth Press Release explains that Brookline actually was ahead of the state in issuing a “face-covering” mandate back in March.

And, as I wrote last week when enjoying the wonder of Joe Biden repeatedly telling people he would love to see a nation-wide mask mandate (something Kamala Harris has “walked back”), one need not bother reminding these folks about the Constitution, nor the fact that the most popular masks feature a warning on their box saying that they “don’t provide protection” against spread of the Wuhan Coronavirus for those who wear them. 

And one need not bother mentioning that the masks are only of extremely limited use to stop viral loads carried on vapor expelled by the wearer, because, of course, the N95 mask only stops things that are .3 microns in size, while the Wuhan Coronavirus particle is .1 micron. Nor should we bother telling people that since the fatality rate of COVID19 is about the same as the seasonal flu, these Brookline Brownshirts could issue the same command every year, just in time for Halloween.

And, for goodness sake, don’t EVER bother mentioning to these bureaucrats and politicians that they are not just mandating these dumb appliances and gear for public places such as poorly lit outdoor parks, crumbling sidewalks, and rarely open government buildings. The commands from Brookline and the office of MA Governor Charlie Baker also apply to private businesses – the businesses that Baker shut down for months on end and, in many cases, put out of business due to lack of patronage.

It will all undoubtedly help make the world safer.

One diktat at a time.

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