Idiot's Guide to a Nuclear Blast: NYC Releases Video with Tips on How to Prepare for 'The Big One'

Nick Kangadis | July 12, 2022
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The communists in charge of New York City and the state of New York might have insight as to what communists and globalists on the other side of the planet might be planning, because if you have a desk, you might want to hide underneath — if you catch my drift, aka fallout.

The weirdos at NYC Emergency Management released a video on Monday advising New Yorkers how to prepare for a nuclear blast.

No, you didn’t misread that, and I didn’t have a stroke while writing it.

“So there’s been a nuclear attack,” the host of the video said. “Don’t ask me how or why, just know that the big one has hit.”

Yeah, it’s as stupid as you thought it might be.

The female host — and yes, I’m assuming her gender — then goes on to list “three important steps [they] want you remember.”

1.   GET INSIDE

  +FAST

  +GET INTO A BUILDING

  +MOVE AWAY FROM WINDOWS

 

2.   STAY INSIDE

  +SHUT DOORS AND WINDOWS

  +GO TO THE MIDDLE OF THE BUILDING

  +GET CLEAN IMMEDIATELY

  +REMOVE CLOTHING AND SHOWER WITH SOAP OR SHAMPOO

 

3.   STAY TUNED

  +FOLLOW MEDIA

  +SIGN UP FOR NOTIFY NYC

  +OFFICIALS WILL SEND WIRELESS EMERGENCY ALERTS (WEAs)

  +STAY PUT

Related: 'South Park' Mocks Putin, Prepares for Nuclear Attack in New Episode

This is more like an 'Idiot’s Guide on How Not to Survive a Nuclear Blast.'

Nick's First Step: First, if the nuke lands anywhere near where you are, the only thing that you’ll be able to do before you’re pretty much vaporized is to place your head directly between your buttcheeks so you can kiss your ass goodbye.

Nick's Second Step: Sheltering yourself inside your building will only prolong your inevitable demise, and showering will merely eliminate the poop smell after you mess yourself because you’re about to get microwaved.

Nick's Third Step: And communications will most likely be knocked out, so you can sign up for as many “notifications” as you want. The only place you’ll find them will be in the literal clouds, because you’re city was just blown to kingdom come.

Nick's Final Step: Oh, and even if you don’t smoke, light ‘em up. You probably won’t need a match. Sure, you might be glowing, but at least you'll be relaxed.

It’s like the people who run states like New York and California do what they do for our entertainment, because we’re certainly not taking them seriously.

If you want to put yourself through the torture of actually watching what looks like a "Saturday Night Live" sketch, watch below:

 

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