"Health and Human Services professionals understand that climate change impacts the health of their communities. Do you have an innovative idea for an app that could help communicate these impacts."
That's the opening salvo on a government website that introduces a taxpayer-funded contest to design an app that helps fight global warming.
While liberals continue to blame the scourge of catastrophic climate change for every extreme weather event (or lack thereof) that occurs, it's unclear how this new app would do anything that plenty of other apps already do: warn people about the weather.
Thankfully, the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services (HHS) has laid out some parameters for aspiring app-makers to follow when creating their cell phone masterwork.
Here are the suggestions put forth by HHS with some commentary by your's truly.
"Possible Themes to Consider"
- "Impacts of extreme heat and severe weather" - It sucks.
- "Consequences of wildfires and floods" - Also very bad.
- "Effect of drought on food insecurity, malnutrition, mental stress". - Yes, because the people in parts of the world affected by those things have iPhones.
- "Increases in vector-borne or water-borne diseases"
- "Air pollution and or pollen and respiratory disease"
- "Assessing the risks to vulnerable populations and those with special needs" - "Special needs" is right. Will the app be able to help HHS?
- "Tailoring education and/or risk communication to targeted populations" - Again,, if these "targeted populations" don't have smart phones, this is in no way helpful to anyone. If that kid in the Maldives could afford a Smart Phone, the first thing he would do is have someone build him a boat to get him the Hell out of the Maldives!
So, after all that fear-mongering, the federal government has finally come up with a solution to stopping global warming. An iPhone App.
How about this? "Angry Birds: Climate Apocalypse Edition."
First prize in the contest is $10,000, which could potentially be used by the guy who creates the app to sign up for a dating website and get a life.
My money's on this guy:
