This is who’s upset about the existence of Confederate statues. This guy. Right here.
According to the Houston Chronicle, a 25-year-old man was arrested while allegedly trying to blow up a Confederate statue in the city's Hermann Park. It’s not certain whether his plan would have worked, considering he a) was arrested before he could press the big red button, and b) doesn't seem like the brightest bulb in the chandelier.
Here’s the Houston Chronicle’s full report, in all its hilarity:
A Houston man has been charged with trying to plant explosives at the statue of Confederate officer Richard Dowling in Hermann Park, federal officials said Monday.
Andrew Schneck, 25, who was released from probation early last year after being convicted in 2015 of storing explosives, was charged in a criminal complaint filed in federal court, Acting U.S. Attorney Abe Martinez said in a statement Monday.
Schneck was arrested Saturday night after a Houston park ranger spotted him kneeling in bushes in front of the Dowling monument in the park, Martinez said.
Schneck was holding two small boxes that included duct tape and wires.
When confronted Saturday night in the park, he tried to drink some of the liquid explosives but spit it out, officials said.
An ABC13 report states police officers determined Schneck was in possession of nitroglycerin and Hexamethylene triperoxide diamine, both substances used in explosives. After arresting him at the monument site, authorities raided his home and found "a lot" of materials for bomb-building.
In all seriousness, Schneck’s foiled plan to blast a Confederate statue sadly falls within the realm of today’s predictable nonsense. In a knee-jerk reaction to left-wing temper tantrums, Baltimore officials took down the city’s four Confederate statues by cover of darkness last week. City officials in Richmond, Va., are considering doing the same. The University of Texas, Austin is working to remove its monuments of Robert E. Lee and other Confederate figures. Campuses across the country are trying desperately to rid themselves of any potentially offensive historical mention to appease their toddler hoards.
Then again, when the calls for banning Confederate monuments are coming from folks who try to drink lighter fluid and build bombs at their kitchen tables, maybe the statues aren’t the problem.