Ah, the never-ending joys of government-run education.
And by “never-ending joys,” I mean that perpetual sinkhole of money that is the public school system, that fetid pile of terrible that consistently fails to educate children on even basic levels while somehow managing to suck an eternal stream of resources and dump it…well, we’re not really sure where it all goes. Because it's certainly not into test scores.
Case in point: this Colorado school district, which has found itself so far down the financial crapper that it’s cutting its instructional week by a full day to save money on things like teachers and busses.
Denver’s District 27J – which sounds more like a fictional township from the Hunger Games than an actual school district, and therefore fits nicely with our story’s theme of government-run nightmare scenarios – includes 12 elementary schools, four middle schools, four high schools and five charter schools. The school district says it can no longer sustain the cost of a five-day school week
And apparently, they’re the 98th school district the state has approved for the new 4-day weekly schedule, chopping Monday from their instructional week and claiming this new arrangement will save the district about $1 million a year. What's more, according to the local 9News, the school district has reportedly said it will no longer pay for substitute teachers -- so have fun not taking maternity leave, Mrs. Baxter.
"We really feel like Monday is the day to prepare and to be better for kids," Superintendent Chris Fiedler said. "This will give people a chance to have a weekend and then come in on Monday -- whether they're paid to or not because they're doing that work anyway to be prepared for kids and to be better for kids."
Note: "whether they're paid to or not." Classic.
The district says they’ll be tacking on an extra 40 minutes to the other four days in the week, throwing even more little wrenches all up in the public’s schedules.
"I realize this will be a significant change for our students, their families, and the communities we are so fortunate to serve, but our district can no longer be expected to do more with less financial resources," district officials said in a press release.
Now, working parents will have to figure out what to do with little Johnny, who’s soon going to be sitting at home watching cartoons on Monday instead of ineffectively learning how to add short columns of small numbers.
But not to worry – the same benevolent government that couldn’t support a basic five-day school week on the tax dollars it already gets is kindly offering to care for local children on Mondays – for $30 a day, of course.
All in favor of handing the same government that can’t handle a simple five-day school week the keys to our health care system, retirement plans and higher education, please raise your hand. Now slap yourself with it.