Of Course, California: Teen Criminals Are Attacking Soccer Moms With Bats in 'Stroller Alley'

Brittany M. Hughes | July 10, 2023
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Kids in San Francisco are attacking stroller-pushing moms with baseball bats. On the street. In broad daylight.

Because, you know…San Francisco.

After polluting their own bay with toxic algae and filling their streets with human feces and dirty needles, the Golden Gate City is now breeding a new threat: roving gangs of teenagers who’ve taken to assaulting moms and nannies as they walk alongside small children and babies in what used to be a safe neighborhood. According to reports, the attacks are taking place in Noe Valley, an area of San Francisco dubbed “Stroller Alley” because of the high population of families with small children.

But it seems being allowed to tote a diaper bag but not a firearm makes moms a soft target for teen criminals who’re reportedly whacking them upside the head with Louisville sluggers while they wait for their children outside of school. At least two women were attacked and bludgeoned in the first week of July alone, with authorities saying one was hit in the head and another struck in the face. Police say they think the same kids are responsible for at least 11 recent cell phone robberies in the same area, most of which targeted women. One minor has already been arrested, though authorities say it's unlikely he was working alone.

Related: 40% of Californians Say They're Thinking About Leaving Thanks to Crime & Taxes

Rafael Mandelman, who sits on the San Francisco Board of Supervisors, chalked the violence and theft up to bored kids being out of school for summer break, telling residents to…well, just get used to it.

"I think, what happened with kids not being in school, I think there may be something going on with that, that we’re going to be experiencing for a while," he said. "Those couple of years [when] school was erratic or nonexistent, where everyone was under stress, parents and caregivers were under stress. That was probably impacting vulnerable communities more anyway. Sociologically. Who knows what was going on, but I would not be surprised if we are going to be experiencing the lingering impacts of that for a generation.”

Funny - I seem to recall spending many a summer outside a classroom as a youth, and it never once occurred to me to start beating the crap out of some local soccer moms in all my free time. But perhaps we shouldn’t expect much more of a response from a California politician - after all, not holding criminals accountable for their own violent behavior is working out just splendidly so far.

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