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Climate Researchers Now Say Sandwiches Are Killing the Planet. Seriously.

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According to this, eating sandwiches is now killing the planet.

Seriously. I can’t make this stuff up.

Apparently, researchers in the U.K. have declared that sandwiches – you know, pieces of deli meat shoved between two halves of a ciabatta, the normal kind – are causing the oceans to rise and people to die and baby seals to be clubbed over the head. Or something. From the News Atlas' description:

Scientists at the University of Manchester have found a surprising global warming culprit – sandwiches. In the first study of its kind, the researchers carried out an in-depth audit of various sandwiches throughout their life cycles and found the triangular meals could be responsible for the equivalent annual carbon emissions of 8.6 million cars in Britain alone.

The report alleges that the resources it takes to gather ingredients for, make, ship and sell sandwiches combine to make one pretty hefty “carbon footprint.” Breakfast sandwiches, the study claims, are the absolute worst for the baby Polar bears, while made-at-home bologna sandwiches rank slightly higher on the Don’t-Want-Everyone-To-Die Scale.

According to the team, a number of factors affect the sandwich's carbon footprint. Ingredients is one of them, with items like meat in general and pork in particular, cheese, prawns, lettuce, and tomatoes being particularly large footprint culprits. Producing these ingredients, as well as the bread and condiments, can account for 37 to 67 percent of the carbon dioxide produced. Other factors are the packaging, which makes up 8.5 percent of emissions, transportation (especially in refrigerated trucks) for 4 percent, and refrigeration at point of sale making up another 25 percent.

The scientists recommended changing the shipping and packaging of pre-made sandwiches to help combat the lunch food’s dire impact on California forest fires, while also adding that extended the use-by dates on things like pre-packaged subs so we don’t end up throwing as many of them away. Because, you know, making sure the Earth doesn't heat up half a degree over the next hundred years is worth taking a major gastronomical risk with expired deli chicken.

So there you have it, global citizens – as if liberals making you pay for grocery bags and fining waiters for offering plastic straws wasn't bad enough, you're now getting guilt-tripped for throwing down that delicious smoked turkey and provolone.

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