U.S. Customs and Border Protection issued a press release to throngs of relieved Americans Monday to assure them they had successfully detained a dangerous illegal alien snail at Washington Dulles International Airport, mere miles away from the vulnerable flower beds and innocent, blossoming cherry trees of our nation's capital.
No, seriously. A snail. Just one.
According to CBP, capturing this snail is a major accomplishment because:
Snails may pose a significant threat to agriculture because they cause damage by feeding on agricultural and horticultural crops as well as native plants, thereby lowering crop yields and quality.
The threatening pest (again, we should stress this is one snail we’re talking about here) was discovered in a shipment of fresh flowers from the Netherlands. Customs officials took swift and immediate action to make sure American plants were spared this dire threat before issuing the media notice. Because of course, it's worthy of one.
CBP forwarded the snail to a USDA - Animal and Plant Health Inspection Service (APHIS) - Plant Protection and Quarantine (PPQ) identifier for classification.
CBP issued an Emergency Action Notification to the importer requiring the shipment to be re-exported or destroyed. The importer elected to have the shipment destroyed by steam sterilization under CBP agriculture specialist supervision.
Well, thank God.
Meanwhile, just four days ago, National Border Patrol Council President Brandon Judd testified before the House Judiciary Committee, explaining that border patrol agents have actually been ordered to release illegal alien border crossers, some of them still dripping wet from having crossed the Rio Grande, simply because they claim to have been in the United States since 2014.
From Judd’s statement:
“We have apprehended illegal aliens just north of the border who are still soaking wet from crossing the river. If they claim, as increasingly they are doing, that they have been here since January 1, 2014, we will process and then release them. They are still wet from the river and miles from any civilization and on their word alone we release them unless we physically saw them cross the river. This policy de facto creates an open border with Mexico for any illegal alien who wants to claim that they were here before 2014.”
According to CBP, agents have apprehended 23,553 unaccompanied children and 27,664 family units at the Southwest U.S. border this fiscal year, which ends October 1. Most have been processed and released pending a court hearing.
But never mind all that. Check out a few of the other, more bizarre things CBP has apprehended recently -- none of which were people.