Business Insider wants you to be concerned about the size of President Donald Trump’s saltshaker.
And no, that’s not innuendo. They’re literally talking about his saltshaker. As in, the one he uses to season his food during meetings. Because, apparently, it’s bigger than everyone else’s at the table, and that means the president has a fragile ego that can only be soothed if his kitchen utensils are bigger than everyone else's.
Or something.
“President Donald Trump displays his power with firm handshakes, a second scoop of ice cream, and towering salt and pepper shakers,” Business Insider explains, apparently thinking this is news.
After stumbling across a tweet from CBS News' White House correspondent Mark Knoller showing Trump’s oversized salt and pepper shakers during a recent working lunch at the White House, Business Insider actually took the time to go through photos and find other examples of Trump using larger shakers than anyone else at the table.
“Insider combed the photo archives and found that Trump more often than not gets much larger salt and pepper shakers than other foreign leaders or American politicians when dining at the White House. And we couldn't find instances of Trump's most recent predecessors using larger shakers than those of their guests.”
The article goes on to suggest that the shakers could be “another power move, alongside his fierce handshakes and bulky suits.”
If that weren’t bad enough, these esteemed journalists dedicated to speaking truth to power want even further back in the archives to examine photos of former presidents Bill Clinton, George W. Bush, and Barack Obama, pointing out that they all used small salt and pepper shakers.
Even when Business Insider did find photos of Trump using smaller shakers, they claimed he didn’t really deserve credit.
“We did find a few instances where Trump had the same size shakers as others. Interestingly, this was in the Cabinet Room, the same room where the shakers have tended to be different sizes,” they reported, thank God.
On top of that, the spacing between Trump’s salt and pepper shakers could also be an indicator of a power play. You just can’t make this stuff up.
The article noted that the White House “didn't respond to Insider's request for comment on the larger salt and pepper shakers, so the world may never know” whether Trump just likes a little more seasoning, or is seeking to intimidate Congress and fellow world leaders with his dining implements.
Which might, in fact, be an even stupider question than whether Trump is unhealthy because he likes Starbursts and McDonalds. And we thought that topped the charts.