Uh Oh: Senate Passes New Dress Rules Nixing Gym Shorts

Brittany M. Hughes | September 27, 2023
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About a week after the internet exploded in mockery over Pennsylvania Senator John Fetterman tromping through the Senate looking like a homeless women’s soccer coach, the U.S. Senate has unanimously passed a formal, written dress code.

And unfortunately for Fetty here, it doesn’t allow for dudes to show up in gym shorts.

The measure, introduced by West Virginia Sen. Joe Manchin and Utah Sen. Mitt Romney and passed with bipartisan flying colors, will now require men to wear jackets, ties, and slacks on the Senate floor.

Of course, whatever agreement the Senate reached had to be one Fetterman found “acceptable,” per Senate Majority Leader Chuck Schumer.

“Though we’ve never had an official dress code, the events over the past week have made us all feel as though formalizing one is the right path forward,” Schumer said. “I deeply appreciate Senator Fetterman working with me to come to an agreement that we all find acceptable, and of course I appreciate Sen. Manchin and Sen. Romney’s leadership on this issue.”

Related: Fetterman Presides Over the Senate Looking Like a Homeless Plumber

Regardless of how much pathetic butt-kissing Schumer had to do to get Fetterman to put on a freakin' pair of pants, the change - or rather, the change back - can’t come soon enough. Just last week, Fetterman presided over the United States Senate wearing a short-sleeve button-down work shirt, gym shorts, and tennis shoes. When asked later why he took the dais dressed like a hobo warming himself by a trashcan fire, Fetterman responded, “The world didn't spin off its axis. You know, I just did it…I think we will still go on.”

Har har har.

Now go get a damn tie and stop being a moron - or, at least, try to stop looking like one.

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