In case it hasn’t been pounded into your skull with a sledgehammer yet, EVERYTHING IS GAY.
And by “everything,” I do mean EVERYTHING. Abe Lincoln. Nature. U-turn signs. Two-thousand-year-old skeletal remains buried in volcanic ash. And literally every single character from every single film/play/television show you've ever seen, regardless of whether they’ve ever been gay before. Well THEY ARE NOW YOU BIGOT.
This includes, apparently, Glinda, the “Good Witch” from the "Wizard of Oz" who is prominently featured in "Wicked," a Broadway musical-turned-film that just hit theaters this month. Or so says Ariana Grande, who plays the character in the upcoming movie version of the story. Which, if you've never seen it, is about two young ladies who start out as automatic enemies thanks to their glaring differences, but become best friends after realizing they have more in common than they thought.
That’s it. That’s the relationship.
But, since EVERYTHING IS GAY, Grande now says that Glinda “might be a little in the closet” due to her closeness with Elphaba, better known as the Wicked Witch of the West. Why? Because as we all now know, there’s absolutely no way two young women could ever be nearly-inseparable friends without having a major gay-on for each other.
“glinda might be a little in the closet” oh im sure. pic.twitter.com/fmLKRUQFU7
— isley 🫧 (@toxcyuri) November 21, 2024
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Of course, if you’ve ever seen the film, you’ll recall that one of the major obstacles thrown in these two gal-pals’ path is the fact that they both end up jonesing for the same guy: Fiyero, a very-much-male (although these days, who knows?) who begins dating and later winds up engaged to Glinda before realizing the love of his life is actually Elphaba, and later turns into a scarecrow for his troubles. Bummer.
But perhaps even more of a letdown for him would be realizing he’s just the beard there to hide these two ladies’ lesbian fantasies of one another, or whatever.
Everything is gay. And also very, very stupid.