Middle-aged, childless, unmarried, washed-up actress Chelsea Handler took to social media this weekend to bash Kansas City Chiefs Kicker Harrison Butler, whose pro-family, pro-child, pro-God speech at Benedictine College nearly a week ago has sparked outrage from leftists incensed that anyone would still tout traditional family values.
“As you may have heard, there’s a man by the name of Harrison Butker, who’s talking more than I typically like for a male,” a haggard-looking Handler began. “He’s a kicker for the Kansas City Chiefs and I learned that kickers rarely get tackled. So based on his misogynistic rant during a recent commencement address, I’m guessing this Bible thumper thumped himself a little too hard with his Bible and gave himself CTE.”
Har har har?
“First of all, Harrison, you’re a kicker. So you have one important part of your body and it’s not your f***ing brain,” she went on with the personal attacks.
Handler then called out Butler’s wife Isabelle, who Butker had praised in his commencement address as a “beautiful” wife and mother.
“Isabelle, please blink twice if you need us to call for help,” Handler quipped.
“But the real kicker is that Harrison Butker’s mother is a renowned physicist who has a degree in chemistry and a master’s in medical physics,” she went on. “So who paid for all those youth athletic team fees and uniform fees and equipment fees when Harrison was a kid so we could grow up to have a career making millions of dollars for f***ing kicking things? My guess is a working woman. Harrison, this is the first time I’ve heard about you and hopefully the last. And after this, I’m gonna go ahead and do what your fellow teammate does and just pretend like you don’t exist.”
Chelsea Handler is 49 years old, childless, unmarried. Harrison Butker is 28, happily married, 2 kids, just won a Super Bowl.
— End Wokeness (@EndWokeness) May 27, 2024
This is pure envy. It's oozing out of her.
pic.twitter.com/JPyfrxTxeS
Related: Travis Kelce Defends Harrison Butker Over Benedictine Speech Backlash
Considering that’s pretty much how the world’s been treating Handler for years, I guess she’d know.
So let’s sum up here, for those still tuned in: Behind Door No. 1, we have a comedienne whose self-titled Netflix show was canceled after a measly two seasons (seriously, I’m pretty sure I had a can of beans in my pantry that outlasted that disaster) and whose current claim to fame is posting videos on social media about how great it is not having kids because she can get high and touch herself anytime she wants.
And behind Door No. 2, we have a professional football star whose teammates have all sung his praises from the rafters, who has a beautiful wife and children, and who unapologetically promotes children, parenthood, and strong families.
I’m not sure it takes a rocket scientist - man or woman - to figure out who’s clearly jealous of whom.
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Actor Glen Powell follows Matthew McCaughey’s advice and leaves Hollywood for Texas.
— MRCTV (@mrctv) May 27, 2024
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