The 5 Dumbest Tweets of the Week

danjoseph | July 24, 2015
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Oh man!  We’ve got Donald Trump sucking up so much of the media’s time right now that they pretty much ignored the ongoing story of how Planned Parenthood was caught selling chopped up baby parts as if they were part of a McDonald’s combo meal. 

Despite all that, the dumb Tweeters were particularly shameless this week. 

We'll lead off with Arsenio Hall responding to a statement made by Marco Rubio who compared Donald Trump to President Obama claiming that they were both “classless.”

WARNING: This Tweet is incredibly offensive. 

1.

 

Amazingly, Arsenio managed to respond to Rubio’s comments in the most “classless” way possible.  This Tweet is so remarkably offensive that it’s astounding that Hall wasn’t banned from Twitter forever. 

What’s really surprising is that anybody saw this Tweet at all. Arsenio hasn’t done anything of note since the early 1990s when Bill Clinton played the saxophone on his talk show. 

Now that he’s weighed in, maybe we should track down Steve Urkel and the cast of Full House and find out how they feel about Rubio’s statement.

 

2.

That’s a really well embroidered baby blanket for a child who’s not even going to be born.

The liberal response to the recent videos--which clearly showed that Planned Parenthood officials were negotiating the sale of aborted baby limbs--has been to deny that what we saw in the video ever actually happened. 

Who are you going to believe America? Goonies star Martha Plimpton or your own lying eyes? Maybe, it’s time for all of us to start taking people who claim that the moon landing actually happened more seriously. 

 

3.

Wait.  I thought the movie theater where the shooting took place was a “Gun-Free Zone.”  It doesn’t make any sense that a crazed gunman intent on murdering lots of people would have gone on with his nefarious plan after seeing the sign informing him that guns weren't allowed in that particular movie theater. 

If there’s one thing I know about crazed murderers, it’s that they all have a great deal of respect for the law.  So, the Lafayette shooter must not have known that the theater was a gun-free zone.  If he had, he probably would have gone somewhere else to kill people.

Watch out! Jeb Bush is coming after your grandma on the next page.

4.

Yup! Jeb Bush wants to kill your grandma.  I never did trust that guy.  I mean, look at that face!  That picture was probably taken in some retirement home in Florida. He’s giving the death stare to some old lady thinking "Once I become president, your bingo-playing days are over, granny."

Of course, if Jeb doesn’t get elected and his plan of starting a grandmother holocaust doesn’t come to fruition, he can still rest easy.  Obamacare will probably take care of that for him.

 

5.

The hard-working hot dog vendors of the world absolutely deserve $15 an hour.  They’re so highly skilled. 

Think about this.  Multiple times a day, they have to take a hot dog out of some gross water with a pair of tongs.  THEN, they have to put that hot dog in a bun. 

But, it gets even more grueling.  After that, if the customer requests mustard or ketchup, they must squirt the ketchup on said hot dog.  THEN, they must hand the processed piece of meat to the customer. 

And, what if the hot dog buyer wants a drink? 

I mean, my God! Are these guys in MENSA or something??!!!

An idiot like myself could never be a professional hot dog vendor.  I would probably wrap the hot dog in lettuce, spray poison on it and then collapse from exhaustion. 

I salute our nation’s hard-working hot dog vendors.  You guys may only know a couple words of English--Primarily the words “hot” and “dog.” But, there’s no reason why your difficult work shouldn’t be rewarded with a minimum wage hike.

"Here’s your hot dog, sir.  That will be twenty seven dollars."

 

DISHONORABLE MENTION

I keep getting more confused as to which people’s lives matter and which don’t.  We know that black lives matter, which is an important message to get out to black gang members so they'll stop killing other black people.

But, Marc Lamont Hill is doubling down here.  “ALL” black lives matter.  Not just some of them.  Glad he cleared that up, because I was under the impression that a black life only mattered if that person was able to present their race card if they were ever pulled over.

So, please, Mr. Hill. Explain this to me. I have to figure out which people’s lives matter and which people's don't.  Otherwise, how am I going know who it's okay to kill.  Unless they’re in a gun-free zone, in which case, I’ll just go home and watch TV.

 

DISHONORABLE MENTION 2

DISHONORABLE MENTION 2

Yup!  You captured her essence perfectly.  Well done, sir.

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