Tonight, President Obama will give his sixth State of the Union address. He will present his speech to a Congress that is more Republican and more conservative than any during his presidency.
But that won’t matter to Obama. Based on what what we know, the president will head into the congressional chamber with guns blazing--obviously that’s a metaphor. Obama hates guns—ready to propose sweeping new left wing reforms that have absolutely no chance of passing the new Congress. Here are a few of the items that Obama is likely to focus on in tonight’s big speech.
1. The Economy Is Awesome
After six years of economic stagnation, high unemployment and a record number of Americans dropping out of the workforce, the economy is finally showing signs of normalization.
Of course Obama will do his best to take credit for the improving situation despite the fact that he has passed no significant economic legislation since the stimulus package in 2009. (Maybe that’s why the economy is finally improving.)
He will also attempt to take credit for low gas prices. But will make no mention of the influence of fracking and increased drilling as being responsible for the drop in oil costs. Nor will he mention that only two years ago, he presided over record high gas prices. Of course that wasn’t his fault at all.
So the economy is doing "great." People are spending more and things are finally looking up for the American consumer. As a result of this fact, Obama will insist that...
2. We Need to Raise Taxes
Because, of course we do.
Obama will propose an increase in a number of taxes aimed at getting the “wealthy to pay their “fair share.” These taxes are expected to add up to about $320 billion and include an increase in the capital gains tax, the tax on dividends and the death tax.
But, he probably won't mention that the government took in a record $739 billion in tax revenue in the first quarter of FY15 and STILL ran a $176 billion deficit.
Of course, he’ll probably allude to the fact that the last time the economy was this good was in the late nineties under President Clinton. Of course this is not true, but the ironic thing about this is that one of the reasons for the late-90’s economic boom was because Clinton and the GOP congress cut the capital gains tax rate from 29% to 15%, which spurred investment and helped lead to an unprecedented increase in entrepreneurial creativity.
But in Obama’s world it makes sense to raise it back to where it was before.
But it’s all okay! Why? Because….
3. This Tax Increase Isn't’ Really a Tax Increase. It’s a Tax CUT!
Huh?
Yes! Apparently, the tax increase part of the deal isn't’t really an increase, it’s just the “rich” paying more of their “fair share.” The money will simply be given back to it’s true owners. The poor and middle class.
It will come in the form of tax credits—basically checks handed out by the government that have no real relationship to the amount of money that an individual or family actually pays in taxes--but will be called a “tax cut” anyway because that sounds a lot better than, “wealth redistribution” or “stealing.”
Some of the money that Obama proposes taking from the evil rich will also go to…..
4. Free College for Everyone!
Obama is expected to propose free community college for students with above a 2.5 GPA which will be 75% funded by the government with states covering the rest.
Of course, the influx of even more Americans with college degrees will make an undergrad sheepskin worth even less than it is today, but that’s not even the best part.
In order to pay for this, the president is proposing to impose a tax on families who withdraw money from their savings in order to PAY FOR COLLEGE.
I seriously could not make this up if I wanted to.
Withdrawal of these savings has been tax exempt since 2000.
5. Obamacare is Finally Working. And it's Awesome
He kind of has to say this, but my guess is he will spend less time on his signature piece of legislation than anything else since it remains deeply unpopular and is one of the reasons why the American people just handed the Republicans the keys to the US senate.
So don’t expect much here other than some stats that show that Obamacare enrollment numbers are rising, probably due to the fact that millions of people who lost their health insurance because of Obamacare are now required to buy Obamacare.
6. My Amnesty for 5 Million Illegals is Awesome
He probably wont spend much time on this either since the American people aren’t too thrilled about the blanket amnesty he granted to millions of illegal immigrants without congressional approval.
It's also unlikely that he will say very much about the 75,000 Central American kids that showed up at the border last year. But since he never went down there to see it, he can probably feign ignorance.
NOTE: If your playing a SOTU drinking game, be sure to do a shot whenever the president says that he’s bringing undocumented workers “out of the shadows.” But, don't try to drive, afterwards.
And oh, by the way….
7. Terrorism is Still a Thing
Obama will be reluctant to admit that Islamic terrorism (He won’t use the word "Islamic" is a bigger problem than ever, after years of claiming that “al Qaeda is on the run.” But he will have to make some kind of statement as to how we stand with the French people. This despite the fact that he didn’t actually "stand" with them at the Paris Unity March.
At this point he may bring out James Taylor to do a musical number.
8. I Cured Ebola
Remember Ebola? Well, in a year where the president can point to very few successes he will probably take an opportunity to tout the fact that a deadly virus did not kill thousands of people. Great job, Mr. President. An epidemic was avoided despite the fact that the the government actually brought individuals with the virus into the country, intentionally.
But Ebola is gone now, so there’s no doubt that the Obama will try to tout this as a huge success.
9. Police need to Stop Being Mean to Black People
Obama will undoubtedly throw something into the speech about the turmoil in Ferguson and the other incidents that have led to increasing anger among both civil rights groups and police.
While he’ll make an effort to sound like he understands the grievances on both sides, history shows that he’s really terrible when he tries to do this. So the message that he will end up conveying is that there are legitimate reasons for black Americans to mistrust the police and that, while violence against cops and rioting are not legitimate solutions to the problem, police racism is the underlying problem. Expect a call for legislation forcing police to wear body cameras at some point
10. Americans Want the Parties to Work together to Get Stuff Done
Despite the shellacking that the Democrats took in the 2014 midterms, Obama will insist that what Americans really want is not a more conservative agenda or an end to his liberal agenda, but rather cooperation between the two sides that results in more laws being passed by the government.
It’s sounds good. But logic dictates that if the American people actually wanted the Administration and Congress to work together they wouldn’t have overwhelmingly voted for Republicans in almost every major race.
But, the insistence will be that what the American people really want is for the two sides to buckle down, put their differences aside and pass legislation.
11. But Only Legislation that Obama Completely Supports
Of course, the stuff that the American people might, want too “get done” is irrelevant to Obama, unless it’s the stuff that he want’s to get done.
The Keystone pipeline, real tax reform….forget it.
Obama will not only issue veto threats but will also, once again, insist that he can and make a number of unilateral changes on his own if Congress doesn’t act.
Act the way he wants them to, that is.
