A Kenyan man has, reportedly, espoused his love for Malia Obama and he hopes to win her hand… by buying her from the current President at the price of 70 sheep, 50 cows, and 30 goats.
He doesn’t seem to understand that that is NOT how marriage works in America. He is utterly undeterred, though, and hopes to send a letter to Obama through the American ambassador to Kenya.
His name is Felix Kiprono, he’s a lawyer who began fancying Malia in 2008. (She was 10 by the way…) He was so infatuated that he refused to date anyone so that he could “stay faithful” to her.
If the miniature farm he's offering wasn’t enough to make you swoon, just get a load of his vision for both the proposal and their (never going to happen) life after marriage.
“If my request is granted, I will not resort to the cliché of popping champagne. Instead, I will surprise her with mursik, the traditional Kalenjin sour milk. As an indication that she is my queen, I will tie sinendet, which is a sacred plant, around her head.
“I will propose to her on a popular hill in Bureti near my father’s land where leaders and warriors are usually crowned. The place is called Kapkatet, which means ‘victory.’
“Ours will be a simple life. I will teach Malia how to milk a cow, cook ugali and prepare mursik like any other Kalenjin woman.”
Everything a young girl could ever dream of. A tiara made of vines, a house that strongly resembles a hut, and the subtle joys of sour milkoholism.
Surely, the Obamas are just bouncing for joy at the prospect.
Or not…