Obviously, liberals were not swayed by the GOP debates last night. The candidates really didn't speak to the issues that liberals are the most concerned about.
No condemnation of racist cops. No talk about how global warming is going to kill us all. No class warfare rhetoric about the 99% and income inequality. It was as if the Republicans completely ignored the fact that all of these issues are still destroying society even after seven years of a liberal, bi-racial president in the White House!
Weird, huh?
1.
Hear that, Republicans? IT'S OVER!!! You have completely alienated Socialist voters. Now, there is no chance that any of you will get Bernie Sanders' valuable endorsement and it's all because you didn't talk about Citizens United during the debate. You guys are really screwed now!
Prior to last night, I think Sanders was really considering making Ted Cruz his VP.
But, not anymore! You guys blew it!
Sanders supporters were totally on the fence in the days leading up to the debate. This Tweet marked the end of the Socialist left's brief flirtation with the idea of voting for a conservative Republican.
Additionally, If Sanders loses, his supporters will all stay home because they simply won't stand for the insidious role that money plays in the political process.
No Bernie Sanders backer could possibly support someone who receives campaign donations from millionaires! Unless, of course you're one of those liberal voters who is a total hypocrite.....
2.
TRANSLATION: "I just saw Carly Fiorina on TV. She's more likeable than me, smarter than me, is not being investigated by the FBI and looks way better in a pantsuit.
"I need to turn this around, somehow. I need a high-profile endorsement from someone that the Democratic base can relate to and respects."
3.
BINGO!!!!
Congrats, Hillary! You just got endorsed by a woman whose claim to fame is having a huge butt.
You also got photo-bombed by the the most obnoxious person on the planet. (Okay, maybe the second most obnoxious person on the planet.)
In all honesty, I'm guessing that Kanye probably thought that his wife was taking a selfie with Taylor Swift's mom.
You do know who that lady is, right Kanye?
The President bids a fond farewell to his biggest fan on the next page.
4.
While conservatives were analyzing the GOP debate, liberals were crying in their organically-grown, fair trade certified herbal tea over the fact that their favorite "newsman" was leaving the Daily Show.
This is really bad for the left.
Obama only has like three places where he can go to get the softball interviews he requires in order to maintain his massive popularity among low-information voters.
But, there are only so many times you can be a guest on "The View" and Glozell is booked for the next few months due to the high Internet demand for videos of people bathing in fruit loops and throwing up after guzzling cinnamon. So, it's going to be really difficult for Obama to get his message out for the remainder of his presidency.
Seriously, though. How is Obama going to sell the Iran deal if he doesn't have an audience that doesn't know anything about the actual details of the agreement?
The left is really going to miss Stewart.
5.
Great question!
Maybe....I don't know....watch REAL news?
Haha! I'm just kidding, Elizabeth! Real news would just confuse you. But, on the plus side, Stewart's absence will give you a lot more time to get through all of those coloring books that you haven't finished.
DISHONORABLE MENTION:
Interesting. I always pegged Klausner as more of a "try not to drool on yourself in public" liberal than a "don't forget to wear your helmet when you leave the house" liberal. I honestly did not know that there were other options.
But, Julie raises an excellent point. Ronald Reagan wasted way too much of his presidency achieving unprecedented economic growth and toppling the Soviet Union and far too little time in the White House laboratory working on a cure for AIDS.
What a jerk!
Thankfully, President Obama was able to cure AIDS. (I learned that from watching The Daily Show.) He had to set aside some other priorities like stopping ISIS from taking over the Middle East and addressing 7 years of economic stagnation, but it was totally worth it.